turning tides

it was one of those interesting sorts of days. the days that start out a certain way, but then end much differently then you ever expected them to. do you ever have those sorts of days? i'm a firm believer that life really does go around in a circle, and sometimes you are at the bottom of the turn, maybe running up continuously against the slope, feeling like you're spinning your wheels..... but eventually, you will make your way back up to the top again, you just have to put your time in at the bottom for a bit first.

that's how i've felt about this year - it's been one of those more or less "down at the bottom of the circle type years." you might recall, I wasn't too crazy about school last fall (it was actually one of the hardest things i've forced myself to stick with. ever) and it was a tough winter with a few different family things and health issues nagging at the back of our minds. and then of course within the spring i've spent a great deal of time worrying about finding a job, and the whole kit and caboodle that goes with being unemployed and not knowing where my life will take me. then my dad had the heart attack and it just seems like it's been a real hellu'va run of it over these past 8 months (that's not to say that there hasn't been some epic & beautiful moments in-between. after all this was the year we got our cliffy, Β and school really did help me improve in writing and mike discovered a few new passions in life including cooking and stand-up comedy. i know all those wonderful moments existed, it's just been a struggle in-between to keep perspective at times.)

then, when you are just sitting there hanging out, life does that funny thing where the circle starts to turn back up towards the top again. it doesn't happen all at once. it starts with a small thing - somehow something pulls together, and one of those worries gets checked off the "worry list", and then another, and another, until momentum picks up and before you know it, you're headed towards that peachy feeling of bliss that you get when you're reassured that everything is working out, and even if it doesn't go exactly as you thought it would, you can handle it.

i liken the phenomenon to the part in mary poppins when the winds change. you know when the winds blow mary in and she fixes life for the banks family? and just when michael and jane are getting used to mary, and they don't need her any more, the winds change and carry mary away again?

that's where i feel like i'm headed right now: (not off into the wind hanging from an umbrella clearly...) towards a bit of an upward slope. thankful for the so many things and people in my life. excited for new opportunities.

so yea, an interesting day and it leaves me thinking how really in control but actually not in control we are of what's going on around us. if that makes any sense at all :)

i'm not being ambiguous on purpose... in fact it's as descriptive as i can be about a gut feeling that the tide is starting to turn.

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