The Hardest Decision

quote OK I can't ignore this post anymore.

I've been avoiding writing this down in words. Because I wasn't sure exactly how it would all pan out. And plus I didn't know if I could be truly honest until today, and if there's one thing that's non-sensical, it's a blog that's not at least somewhat transparent.

So, after a year and two months, I'm leaving school.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make to date. I hate making decisions in general, but when you're not sure how a decision will change the course of your life, it's especially tough. Also when you have people telling you "It's not that much longer" or "you're already half-way there" it makes you doubt your ability to take a decision of this magnitude confidently.

The reasons are many-fold. Not least of them includes the fact that the balance of work/life/school was wearing on me, to an unhealthy degree. I would leave the house at 7 or 7:30 am and not be home until midnight three days a week. I was a zombie by Thursday morning. With no end in sight (it was going to be another year of much the same) I thought it would be better to try and do one thing, (like my actual day-job) well, as opposed to too many things half-assed. On top of this, I've already spent six years in University (beyond this year and half). It was just time to cut the cord.

I'm still so torn; I love journalism. I love writing. I love story-telling. I'm hoping this is something I can still pursue in my own time. I'd love to start doing new things like pod-cast pieces, and one day I'd love to write a book, and I'm going to keep writing for iRun on the side. For me right now, I think this is enough to make me happy.

I'm sad to be leaving my co-hort; I've met some really amazing and incredibly talented people. And I'm sad to be missing out on opportunities that could have led me somewhere else different or new. But, if I'm being truly honest, I'm not sure how much of my life I could give up to a new career right now - I thought when I went back to school last fall I could. I fought it tooth and nail and tried to make myself fit the mould of the "journalist" - but it's just not me. And because of this I know in my heart, it's just not something I want to sacrifice all of the things I really love for.

So here's to one door closing (for now) and hopefully many more new and different paths opening. Who knows why life leads us where it does, right? Who knows why my gut is just telling me it's time to step away. Intuition is a funny thing; it's the one thing that strangely, without reason, always seems to make the most sense.